...Don't say that I didn't warn you in advance, then.
I'm a member of a small group of people back home, with a very specific dynamic. The others are all very tight-knit; I'm the outlier. They hate me, actually, and they make sure that I know that they keep me around because I'm useful to them.
I don't mind. The work itself is worth it, and they have something I want. I can eventually use them because they're using me now; it's a fair tradeoff. The relevant point, though, is that they hate me - they wouldn't trust me to keep a pet rock in one piece, much less with their lives.
Now I'm here, and some of them are, too. The problem is that our leader is not. The others are close with one another, but they aren't competent, and they aren't used to surviving on their own. On the other hand, survival is something that I've proven to be very good at. I'm useful to them back home for both my strength and my mind - I can be relied on for plans and information when they don't have either, and obviously they have neither here.
So now these people that hated me so much before are looking at me as though I should know what to do - when situations crop up here (and they have, we're just rather quiet about it, not the sort to go crying to the public network) I'm the first person they're asking for guidance. Our interpersonal situation aside - and I have many thoughts about that - I also think I'm the last person that should be asked to do something like that. I'm just as lost as the rest of them, but I can't very well tell them that I don't know what to do, because I'm the most likely person to be able to come up with a viable course of action and I can't just pass the decision off to someone else.
I wouldn't say I'm scared, because that's a gross exaggeration of it and there's no reason to be truly afraid of anything here, anyway. But just the same, there's something...overwhelming, I suppose, about suddenly being responsible for the well-being of several people. They all look at me for leadership, but I have no one to turn to myself if I don't know what to do, and bluntly put I don't most of the time.
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I'm a member of a small group of people back home, with a very specific dynamic. The others are all very tight-knit; I'm the outlier. They hate me, actually, and they make sure that I know that they keep me around because I'm useful to them.
I don't mind. The work itself is worth it, and they have something I want. I can eventually use them because they're using me now; it's a fair tradeoff. The relevant point, though, is that they hate me - they wouldn't trust me to keep a pet rock in one piece, much less with their lives.
Now I'm here, and some of them are, too. The problem is that our leader is not. The others are close with one another, but they aren't competent, and they aren't used to surviving on their own. On the other hand, survival is something that I've proven to be very good at. I'm useful to them back home for both my strength and my mind - I can be relied on for plans and information when they don't have either, and obviously they have neither here.
So now these people that hated me so much before are looking at me as though I should know what to do - when situations crop up here (and they have, we're just rather quiet about it, not the sort to go crying to the public network) I'm the first person they're asking for guidance. Our interpersonal situation aside - and I have many thoughts about that - I also think I'm the last person that should be asked to do something like that. I'm just as lost as the rest of them, but I can't very well tell them that I don't know what to do, because I'm the most likely person to be able to come up with a viable course of action and I can't just pass the decision off to someone else.
I wouldn't say I'm scared, because that's a gross exaggeration of it and there's no reason to be truly afraid of anything here, anyway. But just the same, there's something...overwhelming, I suppose, about suddenly being responsible for the well-being of several people. They all look at me for leadership, but I have no one to turn to myself if I don't know what to do, and bluntly put I don't most of the time.