preybeforemeals | IC Contact/Voicemail

Well it...I guess it could have gone better.

[There was so much trying involved, let's just put it that way.]

My Abra evolved, though.

That's an achievement, at least.

[He pauses for a moment. Sends another.]

Answer something for me?

[Well what's this, now...]

Sure. What is it?

[There's another one of those pauses; it goes on for a bit too long before he sends.]

What would you say if I were to ask to see you in person sometime?

[He should have been expecting this at some point- the pause should have been at least a bit telling- yet the question surprises him all the same. And for a little while he goes silent, settling back against the pillows on his bed.]

I...don't know.

[He's quick to send another message after that. Perhaps a bit too quick.]

I don't think I would mind...too much. Sometime.

[After all, it isn't like Tsukiyama is saying he wants forgiveness, or another chance even. Kaneki is well in his rights to deny both of those things, but from the start Tsukiyama told him he wasn't looking for that. He keeps reminding himself that Tsukiyama has no reason to hurt him, here. But he isn't going to know how true that is if he continues hiding from him forever.

And people do seem to think that this place is made for second chances.]

[And there's something bothering him about that, but it's difficult to say what it is; it's a favorable answer, isn't it? It's what he wants, or at the very least it's to his benefit; it'd be stupid to argue the point.

Just the same...]

I won't try to force it, if you decide you don't want to.

We have an agreement back home regarding that sort of thing.

[An agreement...he still finds himself wishing he knew what Tsukiyama meant, exactly, when he said things like that, particularly in reference to him back home. At the same time, he really doesn't want to know.]

That's...good.

[He is glad for that, really...but there's still something about this that's bothering him, too.]

...this is going to sound...weird. But...I'm sorry I'm not the same person you know back home, Tsukiyama-san.

[It takes him a moment to work out exactly what that shot into his system all of a sudden, and after he has he still doesn't know what about that upset him but to the best of his understanding something about it did, and even once he's got that much he doesn't know what to do with it. He sort of wants to break something but there's nothing convenient to break; for the time being he just tenses up, and the quiet between the last text ping and the point at which he starts typing out a reply stretches way too long.]

Why would you apologize to me for something like that?

[It's obvious that Kaneki doesn't realize the impact that had, but the pause tells him...something.]

I don't know. I just know that back home, for you and Banjou-san, I'm...different. Things are different, right? And maybe that me wouldn't...

['be so scared of you']

...would understand how things are supposed to be, now.

..."The way things are," you mean. Not "the way they're supposed to be."

[And honestly, it's fortunate that this is over text because Tsukiyama can feel himself tensing up again and it's not in a good way, and if Kaneki were in front of him he has absolutely no doubt that he would have slapped him for that.

It's another reaction with a source that he can't articulate; he just knows beyond a doubt that it would have happened, and for once he's grateful that their interactions are only over text. Kaneki doesn't know better, he doesn't understand the implications of what he's saying; just the same, it's not something that he can just shake off or insist is all right, either. Not so soon after Centipede (it's been months but he still remembers everything and that's going to be his reality again as soon as he leaves this place) and not after seeing him again in November and...]

Don't ever apologize to me again for not being who you were when I left Tokyo.

Maybe Banjou-san will be nicer about you saying things like that to him, but I'm not going to be because I don't feel that I can. Words like that aren't helping either of us - they can't be for your benefit because you don't understand what you're saying, and we've been through too much back home to make them at all comforting to me. To be blunt, I don't want to hear it, and if you try to say it to my face you can be assured now, Kaneki-kun, that I absolutely won't allow it.

If you have questions about how things are back home, I'll answer them for you; hopefully you know that much by now. I'll help you understand whatever it is you need, because it's my job to do that. You keep me alive for the sake of my information, after all.

But don't ever say anything like that to me again. Do you understand?

I understand. I won't.

[His immediate reaction to that is to want to apologize- it's clear now he has obviously said something he shouldn't- but he knows that the best thing he can do is to just leave it alone.

But he isn't sure what to say next, for a moment or two. Eventually though, he does send something.]

Maybe...when the weather isn't so bad we could meet somewhere.

[...Okay.

It takes him a moment to calm down, but Kaneki seems aware that he fucked up somehow and Tsukiyama can actually be fine with that, and there's no harm done in the long run, he's just going to have to...go out tonight and work some of it out of his system, whether it's by unleashing Nadia and Alessia on the local wild Pokémon population or going out with Naki to cause some decidedly less unacceptable trouble later.

He'll deal with it later, and he isn't altogether sure what to do with the second text either, but he'll...deal with that later too, maybe.]

...Might I ask you to do something for me, in the meantime? It's nothing difficult or intrusive, just...something I would appreciate.

...Sure. I'm listening.

Contact me on the third of March. Over text as we've been doing is fine, and you don't have to have anything important to say. I would just appreciate hearing from you then.

[Well that's...an oddly specific request.]

...alright. I can do that.

[Maybe by then his demon egg will have hatched. Then he will have something to talk about.]

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