IC Contact/Voicemail

[preybeforemeals]

[VOICE/TEXT/VIDEO; OPEN TO ALL]
(Meridiana, you probably want this one.)

"Ah, amore, it seems I've missed you; do leave something for me and we'll see if we can rectify that, shall we?"

Comments

[grapeeater]

They both forgave me, though it's mostly because my brother thinks every failing I do is a result of him not doing enough, and Kouta is just so horribly optimistic that he thinks everything will turn out okay.

I can't say if it's better or worse like that.

[preybeforemeals]

...Because it feels like they're forgiving you through obligation than because it's what they genuinely want, I assume?

[grapeeater]

Well, Kouta would forgive anyone, which is part of the problem - he's too trusting and doesn't really understand that I broke his trust so badly.

My brother though, yes. He understands what I did, though he did lecture me about the human cost of my decision, which I'm fully aware of. I'm sure he feels obligated to forgive me because we're family, though... and I don't know how much he would actually want to forgive me. If I were one of his subordinates and not related to him, he'd definitely hate me.

[preybeforemeals]

...As unpleasant though it is to say it, sometimes we're fortunate to be related to those that we can call family.

Those weekends are vile, though. Sometimes it's good to see those you haven't seen in a while, but often the result is confusing at best and damaging at worst.

[grapeeater]

True. And just because I killed him... that doesn't mean I don't care about him.

Looking at that sentence, it sounds awful and contradictory but it's still true.

[preybeforemeals]

That sort of logic makes sense to me, actually. I've never thought that such things had to be mutually exclusive concepts in the first place. I'm aware that most people don't think like that, but I personally don't think it sounds awful.

...There was an incident that I was involved in back home. Many people I considered friends died. I didn't like them any less; were the situation different I would have preferred that that wouldn't have happened. But things were what they were, and people died, but they're not any less my friends for it.

[grapeeater]

Did you kill them?

[Because it would make sense in context, but... yeah.]

I told Kouta to stop me by whatever means he could if he remembered our encounter when he got home. I don't know that he'll remember it, and I don't know if he'll stop me, but a slim hope is better than none.

[preybeforemeals]

It's more like "I let them die." I set them up such that their deaths were inevitable, but I didn't personally kill them, no.

I have killed people, though. Almost no one here knows.

Hopefully things will work out for you, however - things have a tendency to do that when we don't quite expect it, after all.

[grapeeater]

I see. It's not like I can judge you for that. I'm sure you have your reasons for it.

Hopefully. It's just that seeing them was a reminder that things used to be so much simpler, and that things will never be the same again. I have a second chance here, but that doesn't erase what I did.

[preybeforemeals]

If it's any consolation, living with what you've done does get easier eventually. Things change, yes, but after a while it's something that can be adapted to. People are good at that sort of thing, I've found.

[grapeeater]

I'd just started to push the guilt away and try to focus on what I needed to do. But seeing them again made it hurt once more. It's not that I don't deserve the guilt, but it's unpleasant to deal with.

I'll adapt, it's just a few steps backwards that I didn't want.