IC Contact/Voicemail

[preybeforemeals]

[VOICE/TEXT/VIDEO; OPEN TO ALL]
(Meridiana, you probably want this one.)

"Ah, amore, it seems I've missed you; do leave something for me and we'll see if we can rectify that, shall we?"

Comments

text | 12/3, ungodly o'clock

[deaftly]

[hey guess what Tsukiyama

you're getting a text at three in the morning!!

it's also from your super best friend who will probably try to send out a search party again if you don't respond in five minutes, have fun]

UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED 2 ME

audio [1/2]

[preybeforemeals]

[...oh my god

he knows he's going to catch about a million texts and a search party if he doesn't respond to whatever that is so just...just give him a second to sort of roll over and smack the device - ]

I'm awake...give me a moment...

[HE SAYS, SOUNDING NOT AWAKE AT ALL.]

text [2/2]

[preybeforemeals]

[Aaaaand a couple of minutes later - ]

I would say "good morning" but that's being a little generous.

1 / 2

[deaftly]

U DONT SOUND AWAKE

[gee I wonder why that is]

LOOK THIS IS IMPORTANT GIVE ME A SEC

2 / 2

[deaftly]

[A couple of seconds later, Naki sends over a picture. It's a couple of cute little Pokémon sleeping in a large scarf.

Then Naki sends over another picture, this time of a much more terrifying Pokémon.]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING

[...]

IF U RESPOND WITH 'A SQUID' ILL KILL U

[preybeforemeals]

[.......]

Hideous.

1 / 2

[deaftly]

I FUCKING KNOW ITS GODAWFUL

[..........]

BUT I HAVE 2 SHOW U SOMETHING ITS VERY IMPORTANT

2 / 2

[deaftly]

[Tsukiyama's going to get a video sent to him next. Naki has the camera set up against something so it's actually recording the room. It's a very plain room with nothing to note about it except for the lack of windows. Naki is in the frame wearing the usual suit and holding a small cylinder.]

Okay, watch this, it's fucking amazing.

[He pops the lid off the cylinder and reaches for the Inkay that's currently sitting down at his side. The Inkay gives him a look that can only be interpreted as "fuck no get away from me" and tries to flee, but Naki's faster. He catches the Inkay's tentacle and drags it back despite the poor thing's terrified look.]

You're not gonna believe this.

[And then Naki starts trying to stuff the squid in the cylinder, because he's a well-adjusted individual like that.]

[preybeforemeals]

[...SIR...

He actually switches to audio again for this, because he needs to yell at you a little for waking him up for this, but like hell if he's letting you see what he looks like at three in the morning.]]

Monsieur, I have no idea what you think you're doing but I'm fairly certain that isn't meant to go in there!

[deaftly]

[Naki stops what he's doing to look briefly confused. The Inkay looks just as confused, but it's probably more confused because Naki stopped.]

What do you mean? Of course it's supposed to go in here!

[He maneuvers the bottle so that a cute little Inkay face is visible on it.]

It's called an Inkay Bottle! It's how you-- You'll see!

[And with that, he gives one final push and the Inkay somehow manages to fit in that bottle.]

Are you ready!?

[...is he talking to you, the Inkay, or himself??]

[preybeforemeals]

...Not really, but go ahead.

[deaftly]

[Naki doesn't waste any time. He turns the bottle a few times, pops the cap off, and out sprays almost five feet of squid. The Malamar just sort of lies there on the floor after the whole thing is done while Naki cackles like this is the most hilarious thing he's ever seen.

...Considering his background, this might actually be the most hilarious thing he's ever seen.]

I wish I had another one! I'd do this for the rest of my life if I could! This is so fucking funny!

[preybeforemeals]

[...JESUS CHRIST

FIVE FEET OF SQUID JUST SPRAYED OUT OF THAT BOTTLE LIKE FUCKING CHAMPAGNE

IT MIGHT JUST BE DUE TO IT BEING THREE IN THE MORNING BUT THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING HE'S EVER SEEN]

Giocoso - are you serious?!

[oh my god he hates you how dare you make him laugh this hard he is going to wake somebody up at this rate]

[deaftly]

[...Man he has no idea what that word even was, but he'll let it slide!]

Of course I'm serious! This is how they evolve these fuckers. They sell these goddamn bottles in the store, like this is a totally normal thing that people do!

[The Malamar finally pulls itself up and slinks offscreen, still looking a little dizzy.]

Isn't it the fucking best!?

[preybeforemeals]

[Ohhhhhh my god.]

You know, if you're that amused by it you could always breed them.

[deaftly]

...Breed them...

[Like this genuinely hadn't occurred to him.]

Holy shit, I think I could. Inky's a girl and Octo's a boy, so...

[his pokémon's names just keep getting worse and worse...

also that grin he's giving his pokémon is kind of horrifying]

Just imagine, hatching these little shits and stuffing 'em into these bottles immediately! That's going to be so fucking great!

[SEND HELP]

[preybeforemeals]

You are positively horrendous, monsieur.

That said, I may actually forgive you for waking me up for this.

[deaftly]

As you should! This's too fucking glorious not to share! Besides, I gave you that squid awhile ago, so you can evolve yours the same way!

[...]

Though they do get pretty damn ugly after they evolve. I guess they're probably better at fighting though.

[preybeforemeals]

Oh, I have more than my share of things that get rather ugly after they evolve. I'm sadly getting used to it by now.

[deaftly]

Yeah? Like what? What others did you pick up anyway?

[preybeforemeals]

Well, one of them is a dog that looks like it wants to fight just about everything in the world all at once, except it's rather easily startled and becomes terrified at the slightest provocation. Apparently it's a trait of the species.

It reminds me of Banjou-san, actually. I named it after him, in a very roundabout way - their names share kanji.

[deaftly]

...That's the most fitting thing I've ever heard, wow.

[He's going to be snickering for the rest of the day, thanks.]

[preybeforemeals]

He got upset with me once for telling scary stories during a mission, it was hilarious.

[deaftly]

That sounds amazing.

[...]

Wait, are you talking about the dog?

[preybeforemeals]

No, the ghoul; apparently he didn't appreciate hearing about a house in which all the occupants mysteriously died as we were checking a dark basement.