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[It's that last part that gets him to lock up.]

Don't.

[The word leaves him before he can stop it; he shakes his head as though to clear it, letting his eyes slide closed for a moment. It's fine and he knows it, she's not getting at anything, she doesn't know because it's not possible for her to know, but just the same, that's the sort of thing that gets you a moment's relief and a next-day visit from men in suits and white trenchcoats, and if you're lucky Shinohara or Kureo Mado aren't among them and if you're good enough maybe your organs won't end up in a black case.

But there's something else in it that's pressing at him, because he's always been good enough, he's killed every single dove that's come his way and he's taken several of those cases for himself and he hadn't thought anything of using them, either, if the need had arisen; he doesn't fear the doves and so it follows that there must be something else, and it takes him a moment to place it but he thinks it has something to do with the church and that thing he'd brought there, and the way Nishiki had refused to fucking die no matter how many times he'd stabbed him, and he has to wonder if things like this were the reason why. Because there had been nice words and reassurances and statements like I don't want to see anyone hurt you again, and it's...that's repulsive, right? That's the sort of thing required by those who have been broken and ground down by their own weakness, it's not...

He shakes his head again, and he runs his fingers through his hair a bit before he continues.]

I know what you're trying to say, Miss Everett, and I do appreciate it, but it's not quite that simple. Don't misunderstand, you haven't done anything wrong, either, and I'm glad to know that you don't fear me; just...for now, worry about making sure you're going to be all right.

[That gets her to start, of course, and while it doesn't come precisely as a surprise to her that something's gone conversationally wrong, it still leaves her feeling at loose ends because suddenly she doesn't know quite what to think or what to say; her valiant attempt at the latter had been a feeble one at best, and to some extent she's glad he's relieved her of the effort of trying to make the best of the situation, but at the same time she's also left uncertain of what...precisely to do with all of it.

So ultimately, she ends up withdrawing a little more without really realizing it; she curls in and puts her chin down a little so that her hair will fall around her face like there's some security in that, and she still can't figure out the proper thing to say but even if she did, it'd be the wrong thing to be focusing on anyway.

Wildly, fleetingly, she catches her thoughts alighting on The Tower, and she's certain if her cards were still out that's the one her feelings would draw out again and again; there's a sort of vile irony to the imagery of that card in particular but even without holding it in her hand, the thought of it still lends some order and guidance. As selfish as always, her upset was as much because of her own change in situation as because of anything she'd just been told, wasn't it?

Doesn't she have to convince herself of something he's not, so as to hurry and distinguish him from the similarities he might share with the other men she's known before?

But then perhaps, like her cards, she's bringing too much of herself into the situation — although, his concern is for her too, and so maybe she's not, and maybe that's the distinction she's looking for too but as it is she's just shocked and confused all around at the moment.]

...

[And it would help if she could get words out, too.]

...Do you mind, i-if I ask you some things?

[And there's a tremble at the corner of her mouth, but after a little pause she adds something more to the request, almost without thinking — and maybe all the more honest because of it.]

I don't know how to tell if anything you'll say is honest, but...I'd still like to ask.

...I don't mind.

[...]

There are some things I would prefer not to discuss, but if you come across something like that, I'll let you know. Is that fair?

I...I think so.

[Which makes her brow furrow a bit, but only momentarily; then she just seems at a loss for where to begin, and casts around a bit before finding one.]

...Would you lie about something that was going to hurt me? Or deceive me, or...

[...And the person who'd done it to me had only let us all think that to make it worse when that hope was eventually taken away.

Damn it.]

Amore, I'm not going to just let anything hurt you - and if anyone thinks otherwise, they'll be answering to me before they can get to you. I'm certainly not going to hurt you myself, through deception or any other means.

[Oh. Well. It's not precisely accurate to call anything of what she does here "perking right up", but it's unmistakeable that something about that answer was very well-received. If she'd previously been curling in on herself, she's now been drawn a little more out again.]

Why...?

[Actually, that needs a little clarifying, um.]

What...made you decide that?

[...is he missing something here, or]

...I'm fond of you...?

[YOU KNOW, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING YOU...DO...]

It's a bit strong for simple fondness, I should think!

[Holy shit, is that personality.

...That might be personality, apparently it is personality o'clock again, sing hallelujah.]

Isn't that the same sort of thing you said about that kind person of yours? And I can't possibly be such an inspiration, so why...

[are you sure though because it looks like the Bad At Feelings Power Hour from this end]

Strong or not, it's the way things are, so- ...listen, I don't see why an explanation is so important, if it suits you perhaps we can forget that I said anything, I...

[NO REALLY WHY]

[OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE SOMEWHAT INEXPLICABLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY ABRUPTLY TURNED.]

I'd not like to forget you've said anything — surely it's not something you say to everyone?

Well, no, of course not.

[OKAY THERE HE ADMITTED TO PART OF THE THING CAN WE DROP THE REST OF THE THING NOW]

W-Well, if it's...something about me then—

[...]

...Then perhaps I just don't want you to have a mistaken idea of me, either!

...I'm sorry?

[...o...kay, this is either going to be something completely Victorian or it's going to go south immediately, and he's got his money on zero to shitshow in point-six.]

How do you mean?

When I was young, I wanted something like that very much. It sounds rather a bit like a knight in shining armor, doesn't it, when you put it that way? Or a Prince Charming.

[There's a wobble at the corners of her mouth again.]

Then I met someone like that, and we were to be married, until I became more of a nuisance than I was worth and he tricked me into being rid of me.

My mother loved me and did awful things to innocent people for love of me, and my keeper played at loving me but really only despised and used me, and a gentleman loved me and was killed for me, and another abandoned his fiancée for me and promised we'd live happily together where I'd be safe...and he was wrong.

[Unconsciously, she touches her fingers to her chest, remembering the jolt of pain where the blade had gone in.]

And it's not that I'd like to presume or put you off or— ...I just, I can't stand to be hurt again. I just can't. And it's not that I think you will, it's just the opposite, it's that I want to believe you so badly but I'm afraid to believe it if it's...founded on something that might change...

A-And if I don't know what it's founded on at all, then how can I know whether to be afraid?

[And for a good long moment he just...stares.]

...not to offend you, Miss Everett, but...I don't recall saying that I'm in love with you?

[...there must have been a better way to put that.]

Don't misunderstand me, mademoiselle, you're a beautiful person, but it isn't love that's caused me to make that sort of decision.

[He rakes his hands back through his hair; what the hell has tonight even become...]

Ah, I don't know if this is making the situation better or worse...but it really is fondness, you know. I don't come to care about people very easily, and so when I do I don't tolerate them being harmed any; that's what this is, and it's not anything that I can really see changing anytime soon.

...W-Well, you hadn't said that you weren't!

[...And you know, he'd called the possibility of this suddenly getting really painfully Victorian a few minutes ago, and that suspicion may just prove to be prophetic, because she's just kind of quiet and reserved for a little while after, during which she's honest to god trying to wrap her mind around the notion of determined, fervent protectiveness absent either love, chivalry, or simply wanting something.

...She's trying really hard.]

A-And I'd...still not like you to have a wrong idea of me, anyway. I'm too fond of you for all that, when it only causes trouble.

[...There's no real way to express "I'm kind of territorial" without this getting even more awkward than it already is, so he'll just allow her to be Victorian as hell over there, if no one minds.]

Nothing you've said has changed my mind, if that's a concern.

...If we're speaking plainly, I think I'd rather the fondness anyway. You...really haven't any expectations on me?

[CHOO CHOO VICTORIANISMS KEEP RIGHT ON ROLLING ALONG.]

...I suppose it must seem as though we've gotten very off-track from where we started, but it's...simply put, I don't think I've any right to say what makes someone deserve happiness, or to say that it has anything to do with what they might've done or the sort of person they've once been. And...lest you think I'm only being kind to you without thinking of myself in saying so, that's something I think — or don't think, rather — because I'm selfish enough to still wish for happiness, myself.

You've always been kind to me. I'd not like to be afraid of you, is all, or to be afraid while living a life near you. ...Or afraid at all if it could be helped; as I said, I'm so very tired of that.

[...and because it's just been that sort of night where everything has been hideously stressful despite the fact that she intended to bring it over to the exact opposite of that and as such Tsukiyama's thought process is taking a while to recover, it takes him a moment to follow with regards to "expectations"; he's already verified that he's not here because he wants something and he is absolutely certain she's not pregnant through any fault of his, and about half a second after that thought hits he's very grateful that he's managed to keep his mouth shut and just let the girl keep talking.]

The reason I say things are more complicated than whether I deserve happiness or not is due to things that really only matter back in Tokyo - those things that I won't talk about. They're irrelevant here, but that doesn't mean I can ignore them altogether.

It has nothing to do with letting you be hurt by anyone, though, myself or otherwise. I'm not going to harm you, nor will I allow anything of the sort from anyone else. I can promise you that much.

...Thank you. I really have been very happy here.

[And that, of all things, is what proves to call up a little dampness to her eyes, but she's quick to rub it away before it ever approaches anything close to tears — for her own sake as much as for his comfort.]

I would offer to speak with your friend on your behalf, and happily so, but...I imagine you'd not like to have me in the middle of things, much less in a place where I'm likely to hear awful things about you. Would you?

[...Thank you so much for not crying on him, Meridiana. Literally no one needs that right now.]

Ah...I've already done what I can in that regard; he'll speak to me whenever he's ready to do so, supposedly.

[HE'S TERRIBLY OPTIMISTIC, IS IT OBVIOUS.]

It's nice of you to offer, though.

Well, you gave me quite the fright the other day, with the business about your soul and despair and whatnot.

[And the shitty-ass fainting.]

I'm not well-suited to be a defender of anyone, but I should still like to do what little I might, wherever I can.

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