002. [Video/Action for Goldenrod City]

[preybeforemeals]

[Well, it seems that Tsukiyama has finally left whatever hellhole he's buried himself in for the last couple of weeks; he hasn't been out nearly as much as he'd normally like – really, he hasn't been out at all unless it's been absolutely necessary – but it seems that today he's decided that if he's going to bury himself in several layers of escapist fantasy, he might as well do it outside rather than behind the locked doors of a hotel room.

...That, and he's run out of reading material.

The feed from Tsukiyama's device today opens with a slow pan over some of what he's managed to find in his attempt to stave off boredom; after a moment, his voice can be heard over the video.]

I'm finding myself a bit at a loss, really – if nothing else, I'm unsure whether I should be impressed or offended.

[To his credit, he sounds more amused than anything; after a moment he turns the camera around to actually get him in the shot. He seems well enough, if a bit exasperated.]

They seem to have things such as The Metamorphosis and Battle Royale as well, things that don't seem to have changed much just judging by the title, but I'm sure there's some sort of completely hideous difference in there that will make itself known eventually. For now I think I'm just grateful that I haven't found anything like The Black Gogoat's Egg...I'm sure it would be by someone like Takatsuki Sentret, while we're at it.

[Because this place is a travesty like that.]

From what I've seen, the film selection isn't much better... Tell me if you've found anything particularly interesting during your time here, will you? I don't particularly mind if it's a pun-entrenched mess; if anything, I'm a little curious about how badly they've managed to butcher things.

[Granted, he's not entirely sure how this is going to go, given that there's apparently a market for things like Sharpedonado around here and as such he is effectively asking for recommendations from people who find things like that to be high art, but you know what, live a little.]


[ACTION]

[It's a little overcast today but it's not too cold, and as such he can be found sitting in one of the squares near the department store; there's a café nearby that he's come to like, even if it's not Anteiku (because nothing is quite like Anteiku, even if he'd never really frequented the place as much as some it had its charms, he can't deny that), and he's claimed one of the outdoor tables with a book laid nearby and a cup of something that steams in front of him. As usual, he's a little hard to miss – which is really just a polite way of saying that he's still something of an eyesore, but at least it looks like there was an attempt today and the entire ensemble is blessedly argyle-free.

He's not reading the book he's got laid out, though once in a while he looks at it in a way that implies he's tempted to at least see how much of a shitshow it's surely going to be; for now, his time seems to be given to actually taking the time to savor the joy that is pumpkin-spice everything while it lasts (as long as we all take the word "joy" to mean "experience that involves drinking that coffee once in a while like he's not sure if it's poison, only to set it down and look at it funny and be clearly unsure in its general direction...but for some reason he can't stop drinking it once in a while anyway") and...once in a while swatting away a really persistent Klefki that is hovering near his head.

She doesn't seem to mind the swatting; if anything, she's seeming to find it to be a game of some sort, and she keeps coming back and...unlatching, for lack of a better word, for the sake of waving one of the keys she's found in his general direction with the happiest damn noise because NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

SHE FOUND A PRETTY ONE AREN'T YOU PROUD OF HER.

...After a while the implications of that will sink in, however, and...]

...Mirabella...

[Surely she hasn't.]

Mirabella, amore – exactly where have you been getting those...?

[If he has gotten some sort of kleptomaniac keyring he swears to god - ]

Comments

video;

[bertall]

I-I actually know some good ones! There's The Litleo King, Hachi: A Growlithe's Tale, Pebble and the Primplup, uh... O-Oh! And there's a bunch my friend and I watch a lot, Bangirazilla! There's a whole bunch of those ones!

video;

[preybeforemeals]

[...Oh my god.

This is seriously what his life has become. This is actually his life right now.]

They have kaiju films, of all things...? Given what happened last month I can see where the thought comes from, of course, but...

...That said, I suppose it's nice to see that some things haven't changed and Disney is going absolutely nowhere.

[text]

[unkinder]

I don't know about movies or books, but from what I have discovered, the games aren't much better.

The Legend of Zorua, Super Makuhita Brothers, and Sonic the Shaymin come to mind.

[text]

[preybeforemeals]

[Oh, well, that's...

This place is such a mess, it's admirable.]

Well, now I'm curious - did they manage to leave the plots of these games largely intact, despite the titles?

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Onscreen appears a middle-aged man who has given this some thought.]

Raging Tauros isn't bad. Or Regirocky, Sylvester Starlyon's petty good in it. Got a face like a sack of hammers, but that's part of the charm.

[video]

[preybeforemeals]

Sylvester St-

[NO.]

Oh, this place didn't.

[Seriously, that is one of the better things he's heard all day; it'll actually get a bit of a laugh out of him, in that oh-you're-terrible sort of way.]

I'll have to keep that in mind, monsieur - if for no better reason than morbid curiosity.

video;

[irenicly]

I caught Machamp Club on television the other night.

[Tsukiyama, please help him.

It's not like he really got the original movie but Edward Norton was replaced with a Pokemon and it was just sort of depressing.]

[preybeforemeals]

[WOW. That is another one that actually gets a laugh out of him just because what the hell else do you do with information like that.]

Oh, that just sounds painful.

action;

[occultigen]

Oh! Mr. Tsukiyama!

[Well, look who it is in her adorable blue coat, having evidently just spotted Tsukiyama while in the midst of either her afternoon constitutional or the beginnings of a shopping excursion and (rather courageously, all things considered, given that we're in public and carrying on too vocally would be positively unseemly) decided to wave in the hopes of catching his attention.

...It is also worth noting that she has a Swablu on her shoulder, which has apparently successfully color-coordinated with her outdoor ensemble, of all things.]

Good day!

[preybeforemeals]

[Well, look at that; he's almost proud of you, Meridiana - for both the coat and the...waving. Well done on being relatively socially well-adjusted today, and it's really sad that we have cause for that not being sarcastic at all but there you go.]

And a good day to you as well, Miss Everett - enjoying yourself?

action;

[ossifragant]

[One of the problems with living in Goldenrod for so long is that Greed has seen nearly everything there is to see about the city. It's a bit of a pain, honestly, but he doesn't mind exactly.

...that being said, the man he saw on the network some time ago outside catches Greed's attention, partially because of the outfit, and partially because of the Klefki.

That thing is one confusing animal.]

Sentient key rings are one of the more unusual Pokemon I've seen, I have to admit.

[How do they even work?]

[preybeforemeals]

[He isn't exactly startled by Greed's presence, because Greed is another of those people who tend to be difficult to miss; some are particularly loud in appearance and then some just have a presence that most do not, and Greed seems to be the latter even when he's not particularly the former.

It's something Tsukiyama's always found interesting in people, at any rate; he'd likely find it to be such even if Greed hadn't told him all the...ah, everything, regarding species.]

Aren't they just? I'm never really sure how I feel about the ones based on manmade objects.

[He swats vaguely at her again as he speaks; she continues to give not a fuck.]

A pleasure to meet you in person, Greed-san.

[Video]

[francia]

This place doesn't have much of an artistic pantheon, but, considering the nature of it, I've given up hope on finding anything resembling the masterpieces I produce on a regular basis.

[Casual shrug.]

That being said, some of the beach read romances aren't half bad. I will admit: I did enjoy the trilogy of about the couples who meet for trysts at the Glitter Lighthouse.

[video]

[preybeforemeals]

[Well then, sir.]

And what sort of masterpieces would yours be, monsieur? If you don't mind.

video

[fortunatetoaster]

... wait, are those for real?

[ SUSPICIOUS SQUINT ]

They look kinda like somethin' someone'd make for a joke.

video

[preybeforemeals]

[Well, hello there; he doesn't seem off-put by the question, and there's a light laugh behind his words as he replies.]

Either they're genuine or this place will go to surprising lengths for a joke - everything here is like this, if you look.

[Video]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

Bride of Frankenfearow.

[Veronica let out a soft sigh.]

It's like this place is built out of puns and jokes and our job is to figure out what they are. Maybe, if we do, we'll be able to go back home.

[Video]

[preybeforemeals]

[...Well, you look like you may have caught a chainsaw with your face.

Of course, he'll refrain from saying anything, as that's really not how he wants to start this conversation, though he will pause a little before replying; his words remain easy, however, as does his expression, so he's clearly not too off-put.]

That would be in line with everything else this world has chosen to be, non? If there's a way to leave this place, it's probably hiding in plain sight like that.

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

...I officially gave up around coming across The Nosepass and Taras Bulbasaur by Nikolai Gogoat, but I must admit that The Catcher in the Tall Grass is practically inspired in how bad it is.

I don't even dare ask what the plots are like in all of those, because I can't really even imagine.

[video]

[preybeforemeals]

[And for some reason Taras Bulbasaur seems to finally be the tipping point; he is officially rolling his eyes so hard that he appears about to sprain something. You'll have to give him a moment to continue staring at the sky here once the initial eyeroll is done with, because really...

Just. Give him a moment.]

Please tell me this place didn't actually...

[Jesus be a fence around us, Kayneth.]

I'm tempted to look into these things because of the plot question, actually - many of them seem to contradict the values that this place seems so fixated on, so I'm curious, morbidly so...at the same time, I'm not sure how badly I want to subject myself to any of this.

video;

[superordinary]

I've never read The Metamorphosis or Battle Royale. What are they about?

[ He's pretty sure he's heard about the latter at some point years ago, but he doesn't remember any details beyond its title. ]

video;

[preybeforemeals]

[Oh, well, hello there - he doesn't seem off-put by the question any, and if anything he leans forward a bit; he's always fond of new experiences himself, after all, and he'll gladly adhere to the practice of "when in doubt, throw book recommendations at people."

Even if he wasn't partial to Battle Royale and The Metamorphosis is a bit...well, it's got some strange associations attached to it now, doesn't it.]

Well, unfortunately I can't say what they're about here, because I have no idea how they can keep the plot of the second one intact at all and the first one is a bit strange when attached to Pokémon.

The Metamorphosis is about a travelling salesman who awakens to find himself transformed into...something that's never really specified. Most seem to interpret it as an insect of some sort - either way, something that's monstrously large and generally unwanted around people. The rest of the story deals with the attempts to deal with his condition; it's a little depressing, actually.

Whereas Battle Royale...it isn't anything that would normally interest me, and it's been a while since I've read it; I find the entire thing inelegant. It's just strange that it's here at all, given that it's about a bunch of students being made to fight each other to the death.

video;

[grapeeater]

I've only managed to find some novels, but most of them are... also puns.

[But why.]

I wanted Shakespeare, not Shakespearow.

video;

[preybeforemeals]

[They just keep getting worse.]

If you manage to find either the nerve or the lack of self-respect to see what they're like, let me know if they're just as hideous as they sound or if they're halfway tolerable, will you?

Video

[nvcr]

Y'know, despite all the inherent dangers of books, I've gotta admit that I found this a little. Well.

Weird.

[He's in a bookstore right now, with a stack of books behind him. A Game of Thrones looks more or less unchanged, but A Clash of King's Shield, A Storm of Honedge, A Feast for Honchkrow, and A Dance with Dragonite are also there.

He's pretty sure that the Pokemon world doesn't have HBO, though, so hey. He supposes it's okay.]

By the way, never watch The Human Scolipede. Ooooh, sure, you'll think "it's okay, I can handle a simple movie about torture and unholy transformations", but then the whole movie turns out to be far more than even its refreshingly honest premise gives away, and all you're left with, walking away, is the urge to crawl screaming into your shower as you try to wash off the filth and regret from every inch of your being.

Video

[preybeforemeals]

[...you know, if nothing else, having broadcast this entire thing to the network is really just driving home the fact that CONGRATULATIONS, TSUKIYAMA, THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW. THIS IS WHAT IT HAS BECOME, HAVE FUN.

That is to say that it's coming with a lot of "May Arceus be a fence around me" and the urge to just bury his face in his hands because oh my god this entire thing is sacrilege. Nothing about this response he just got is not sacrilege. Where does he even start.

...At least he's still smiling because he's really good at doing that particular thing with his face.]

Is that so? Well, I appreciate the warning, amore, as...intriguing though it was.

Dare I ask what you're talking about, though? Regarding those inherent dangers you mentioned.